That's What V Said

*Opinion*

I already knew I had a strain of compulsive shopper disorder that ignites when I see something I absolutely have to have.  Impulse, perhaps, but it never got me in trouble. I could always control it. Or so I thought.

When my friend, Becky, sent me an invite via Facebook for an adult toy party, I knew I was going to go before I even sent a confirmation. How could you not go to something like that?!

The invite said “Slumber party/adult toy party.” I’ve never been to one before, and figured it was time. Just another stepping stone into womanhood.

My friend Lo said the stuff can be pretty expensive, but I didn’t expect to spend much money. If anything, I’d buy a small inexpensive lube just to support my friend who was co-hosting, since she’d get some percentage off of a new toy or whatever she desired with every guest’s purchase. Pretty sweet deal.

I didn’t know what to expect, overall I was just excited to see Becky and some wild vibrators. Honestly, I was thinking I’d see a line of massive dildos plopped on a table when I’d get there. In reality, the table the Slumber Party Consultant had had a variety of massage oils and other harmless looking surprises…until I saw the door swing.

And under the table was a closed chest, the treasure chest if you will, filled with the real party favors.

All us girls sat in a semi-circle with our full attention on the Slumber Party Consultant (SPC) eager for her to explain what she had for us. She gave all of us order forms, pens and sheets of paper with holiday deals on them.  She urged us to heart, star or circle what we might want to purchase as she went on.

She opened up by asking if any of us were married or in relationships, and I instantly realized I was the only single lady. I assumed I wouldn’t be the only one who was single, thinking there’d be other single girls looking for some battery operated boyfriends.

The first items she went over were flavored massage oils, bath bubbles and pheromones in a bottle.  We were testing out the taste of some of the flavored body oils and dabbing our nipples with samples of the tingling “Bosom Buddy.” She also showed us flavored lubes, anal lubes, and even a vaginal tightening cream called “Like a Virgin.” There were also some books on how to give the best oral sex (Tickle His Pickle) and another on different sex positions (Complete Guide to Sexual Positions) that we each peeped at and passed around.

Then things got spicy.

When she pulled out the whip with a tickler on one side, everyone’s eyes lit up in unison. This is what I was waiting for, let’s make it awkward now! SPC gave us all a little whip on the sides of our legs to demonstrate the fun behind it. A few of us started starring it on our order sheets.

The “Lover’s Restraint Kit” had me raising an eye brow. It came with straps to pin a lover down on a bed and blind folds. SPC explained how a lot of these items can be fun for partners, and at this point I saw a couple of the wives in the audience star this one.

The door swing on the other hand made me cringe. My first thought was what if someone left me on that thing as a joke?… unforgivable. First of all, it looked like it would be uncomfortable after about 5 seconds. A girl at the Slumber Party volunteered to get in it so we can see how it works. I made a little note to myself that I wouldn’t demonstrate anything at that point. While she was suspended in the air, the harness reminded me of something similar to that of rock climbing gear and her legs were wide open. Don’t worry, she was wearing pants.

A girl next to me said she had one, and it’s fun at first but gets annoying. She mentioned how it feels like having sex without gravity. “It’s like fucking in space” I yelled as we started laughing.

We got an intermission after SPC gave each of us a cotton swab with “X-Scream” on it. This was a cream that goes on the clit or penis to enhance arousal. We all sprang up and headed for the bathroom. I felt like I had an ice cube in my panties. I’m still not really sure if it felt good or bad.

After the intermission, we came back to find our consultant had the treasure chest opened up on her table. There they were, 6+ inches of love.

The first one she pulled out made me want to cry and/or laugh hysterically because it was scary thick. Yes boys, size does matter. This guy was way too big. It was called “Ice” and had balls and all.  This clear dildo had a suction on it for shower usage. He was reasonably priced at $27.

The consultant explained that it’s used as an example of what someone could order from the “Boyfriend in a Bag” deal, one of the three specials this month.  Everyone pulled out their sheets, and I couldn’t find mine. “I never got one,” I said. At this point, the girls to my left and right gave me theirs at the same time.

Then she had the vibrating toys out. The “Decadent Lovebird” was a g-string with a vibrating hummingbird on it that rested right over the vagina, conveniently. “Who’s going to demonstrate this one for us,” the SPC said. Becky insisted that I do it, and then the SPC looked right at me. Peer pressure won this time.

I was straddling the hummer thong over my jeans, and once it was in place the SPC let her rip. I immediately started laughing, hoping I wouldn’t let these girls I just met see my “O” face. Not very classy. I thought this demonstration would end as soon as the SPC turned it on, but instead she decided to let the girls pass down the remote so they can hear all the speeds.

I looked down at the little bird’s wings flapping intensely and its beak pulsated repeatedly up and down. I thought the little bird was going to take flight as I pulled it away from me, reassuring the girls that it would be a wise purchase.

Most of the vibrators looked harmless. Some had beads in the shafts and some had birds, dolphins or rabbits on the sides of them for some clit stimulating. But when she pulled out the $144 “Endless Pleasure,” I almost ran screaming. This beast was huge…I mean it was a monster. With a hummingbird on the side of it, this guy had a thrusting shaft and everything. It could either give a girl the orgasm of her life or send her to the hospital for ripping her a new one. Literally.

At the end of all the showing and telling, each of us took turns going into a room with the SPC for purchasing. This was my chance to buy my small little cheap bottle of lube or perhaps pheromones.

My order form was covered with stars, hearts and circles. Then I kept looking at the “Boyfriend in a Bag” deal. Fifteen percent off a toy, arousal cream, lube and toy cleaner. Did I really need all that? No. When in Rome… when in Rome was all I could think. I figured it made sense to buy four things and get a percentage off than buying one small thing. At this point, not buying anything wasn’t part of my economical thinking.

I walked out of the purchasing room with my goodie bag and immediately showed Becky my new friends.

We all had a lot of laughs and overall my first adult toy party experience was wonderful. I left the party feeling brand new. I was refreshed and excited about my purchases, despite spending more than I expected.

“Boyfriend in a Bag” = $105. Endless pleasure = priceless.